Season of Blessing Page 17

  He didn’t answer. “I wanted to talk to you about Sylvia.”

  “Sure.” She leaned forward on her desk. “How’s she feeling?”

  “Pretty bad,” he said. “That last chemo treatment really did her in. She’s getting her energy back now, but she’s been depressed. And she told me yesterday that she feels left out of your lives because nobody’s talking about themselves. You come over and you’re totally focused on her. I wanted to ask you if you would gather up Brenda and Tory and come over and visit her after work today. She needs some company.”

  “Well, of course.” Cathy swept a strand of hair behind her ear. “We’ve been trying to stay away because she’s been so sick. We thought it took too much energy for her to have us over.”

  “She needs a reason to get out of bed,” he said. “So come over and tell her all your problems, tell her what’s going on with Mark and with Rick and Annie, tell her how the marriage is going. Get Brenda to tell her what’s going on with the family, and let Tory update her on Hannah. In fact, tell her to bring Hannah with her.”

  “Harry, we really don’t want to burden her.”

  “You’re not burdening her,” he said. “You’d be helping her.”

  She sighed and pulled on her ponytail. How many times over the last few days had she wished she could run to Sylvia for advice? “Well, I can sure give her an earful tonight.”

  “Good,” he said. “Just come whenever you’re ready.” “How about seven?”

  “All right. I’ll tell her so she’ll be ready.”

  Sylvia sat in the living room when the trio came in. Cathy hesitated at the door as a rush of emotion tightened her throat. She looked worse than Cathy had ever seen her. Her skin had a yellow cast to it, and her eyes seemed sunken in. But the moment she saw Hannah on Tory’s hip, she reached for her.

  “Give me that baby.”

  Tory set her in Sylvia’s lap. Sylvia laughed as Hannah smiled up at her. “Oh, you sweet thing.”

  “How do you feel, Sylvia?” Tory asked.

  “Better than I look. Aren’t you glad?”

  “You look great.” Brenda’s weak statement didn’t ring true.

  Sylvia waved her off. “I feel like I’ve aged twenty years in the last two weeks.”

  Cathy sat down next to her. “Is it the chemo?”

  “Yes. The cancer and I were getting along fine until they started shooting that stuff into my veins. But I don’t want to talk about that.” She sat back and put her feet on the ottoman. Hannah settled her head comfortably against Sylvia’s chest. “So what’s going on with you girls? Cathy, how’s Mark settling in?”

  “Oh, all right.”

  Sylvia gave her a knowing look. “That doesn’t sound good. He’s not getting into trouble, is he?”

  “No,” Cathy said. “It’s just that Steve and I don’t exactly agree on everything about Mark. In fact, we’ve been at each other’s throats.”

  Sylvia’s eyes speared her. “Tell me everything, Cathy. What’s going on?”

  Cathy looked from Brenda to Tory, and realized that they were watching her with great interest.

  “Well, let’s hear it,” Tory said. “I thought you two were the happiest couple in the cul-de-sac. What gives?”

  She sighed. “Steve’s really mad at me.”

  “About what?” Sylvia asked.

  “I bought a car for Mark,” she said, “and Steve didn’t think I should. He thought I should make him save up for half of it. But the thing is, he can’t get to work if he doesn’t have a car.”

  “Where’s he working?” Brenda asked.

  “Well…nowhere yet. That’s another sore point between Steve and me. But he will have a job soon.”

  “So you bought him the car,” Sylvia said, “against Steve’s will?”

  “Not really. I mean, he says he’s not upset that I bought the car, but that I bought the one I did. He thought it was too expensive.”

  “Was it?”

  “No,” she said. “I earn good money, Sylvia. I work hard. I should be able to buy my son something if I want to. Mark’s been through a rough year. I wanted to do this. I don’t know why he wanted to stop me.”

  “It doesn’t sound like Steve to sulk over something like that.”

  Cathy took off her shoes and pulled her feet beneath her. “He says he’s mad because of the way I did it, because I told him that he was interfering with my parenting of my children. And then when I started talking about how I earned enough money to be able to do things for my children, he felt like I was splitting our finances down the middle and taking my half back.”

  “Sounds like it to me too.” Sylvia’s calm declaration shot through Cathy.

  “That’s not true. Sylvia, I know all about submission and everything, but Steve was off base.”

  “It’s like I told you before, sometimes he will be. But the Bible didn’t say submit to your husband when you’re sure he’s doing the right thing. I doubt if Steve would have pressed the issue if he knew how you really felt. He probably would have gone out and bought Mark a car himself, if I know him.”

  “Well, it didn’t seem like he was heading in that direction, Sylvia. Trust me.”

  “I’m just saying that maybe you jumped the gun. Maybe there would have been a meeting of the minds if you’d just waited a little while.”

  “But I wanted to buy him the car now.”

  “I know you did,” Sylvia said. “And look where it got your marriage. Honey, when are you going to learn that you’ve got to die to yourself to have a happy marriage?”

  The baby started to squirm, and Tory took her back. “She’s right, Cathy.”

  Cathy turned on Tory. “How can you say that after what you went through with Barry during your pregnancy? When he wanted you to abort Hannah? You didn’t submit to him then.”

  “That was different,” Tory said. “I wasn’t willing to sin against God to make my husband happy. But you’re talking about a car, Cathy. Not a life.”

  Cathy turned to Brenda. Surely she was an ally. “What do you think?”

  Brenda smiled. “I can understand how you feel, Cathy. But I think Sylvia’s right, too.”

  Cathy got up and set her hands on her hips. “I have a problem with dying to myself when it comes to my children. I’m not doing this for me, Sylvia. I’m doing it for Mark. Don’t you agree that he deserves a car, that he needs something to help him get a head start so that he can get a good job and get his GED and get on with his life?”

  Sylvia shook her head. “That’s not the point, Cathy. It’s like I told you. Steve probably would have come around and it wouldn’t have been a bad thing then. But now you’ve got a strain between you. That’s not going to help Mark in any way.”

  Cathy just stared at Sylvia, then Tory, then Brenda. “All right. When I get home I’ll die to myself so hard that you’ll have to plan my funeral.”

  Sylvia laughed. “That’s my girl.”

  Cathy plopped back down and propped her feet on the coffee table.

  “So, Tory, how’s your job?”

  “I love it,” Tory said. “It’s the greatest decision I’ve ever made. You should see the kids. They’re so precious. They celebrate every victory, from washing their hands in the sink to scribbling on paper.”

  “I’m so glad you like it,” Sylvia said. “Has it changed your perspective about Hannah’s future?”

  “Some. But mostly it’s changed my perspective about me. They have no self-consciousness at all. They don’t have the same critical tapes playing in their heads that I have. Nothing inside them is censoring them or scolding them. They just go for it. If they can’t do it, fine, but if they can, you should see the joy on their faces.”

  “We could all learn from that,” Brenda said.

  “Really.” Tory got on the floor and set Hannah down. “There’s this little guy named Bo who loves to learn. And he loves for me to teach him. He always wants to sit by me. When we go outside he wants to hold my hand. He
has the sweetest heart.”

  Sylvia’s eyes glistened at Tory’s enthusiasm. “Do you think they might let me come when I’m feeling better, and read to them or something?”

  Tory looked up at her. “Well, sure. We always need help.”

  Brenda set her elbow on her knee and propped her chin. “Are they hiring, by any chance?”

  Tory glanced up at her. “Maybe. They have all the teachers they need, but they might need some part-timers.”

  “Too bad.” Brenda straightened. “I need full-time.”

  “You?” Cathy’s question was too blunt. She’d known that Brenda and David were on a tight budget, but she didn’t know Brenda was looking for full-time work.

  “Yes, I’m looking for a real job with benefits.”

  Sylvia leaned forward and got a pretzel out of the bowl Harry had put out. “Brenda, are you sure you want to do that?”

  “Yes, I am.” Brenda got a pretzel of her own and seemed to examine it. “I’ve got to find a way to pay for Joseph’s drugs. Most part-time jobs don’t have benefits, so I’m going full-time.”

  Cathy couldn’t picture David going along with that. “How does David feel?”

  “Well, he wasn’t thrilled about it at first. But he knows it’s necessary. I’ll be giving the kids assignments to do while I’m gone, then I’ll home school at night.”

  Sylvia shook her head. “Honey, you’ll wear yourself out.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  Tory slid Hannah back onto her lap. “Have you found anything yet?”

  Brenda ate her pretzel. “No, not really. I’ve put in applications at about a dozen places. Since I’ve been at home for the last sixteen years, they act like I have no skills.”

  “No skills?” Sylvia laughed. “Brenda, that’s ridiculous. You have more skills than someone who’s been in the workforce for twenty years.”

  “That’s right,” Cathy said. “You have medical experience, lots of it.”

  “True,” Brenda said.

  “And you’re a teacher,” Tory added.

  “Yeah, but not a licensed one. Home schooling momhood doesn’t count.”

  “You can type,” Sylvia said.

  Brenda nodded. “Yes, I’m a really fast typist.”

  “You could be an office manager,” Tory said. “You’ve organized your family for years.”

  “Or a bookkeeper,” Cathy said. “Aren’t you the one who handles the finances?”

  “Some of them.”

  Sylvia took another pretzel. Cathy watched her, wondering if she’d been able to keep much down for the last few days.

  “Looks to me like you’re a candidate for just about anything out there,” Sylvia said. “I just hate to see you doing it. Maybe you could find something you could do from your home.”

  “I’d love that,” Brenda said, “but it wouldn’t pay benefits. That’s the main incentive. I have to have insurance.”

  Sylvia stared into the air for a moment as if she was thinking, then ate another pretzel. “We need to pray about this,” she said finally. “God has something just right for you.”

  “I’d appreciate those prayers,” Brenda said.

  Cathy saw through Brenda’s smile and knew it was a facade. Her friend didn’t have much peace about this, but she was doing what she had to do. Cathy wished she could help her, but she had offered her money before, and Brenda had been insulted. She wished Mark were still home schooling with her so she’d at least have that income.

  But it still wouldn’t solve the problem of the insurance.

  “I’ll put some feelers out,” Cathy said. “Maybe I’ll hear of something.”

  “Me too,” Sylvia said.

  Tory nodded. “I’ll check at the school.”

  “Don’t worry,” Cathy said. “You’ll be gainfully employed before you know it.”

  “Maybe,” Brenda said. “But I don’t think it’s the best time to look for a job, right before Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

  “In God’s timing,” Sylvia said. “By the way, what are you all doing for Thanksgiving?”

  Tory pulled some plastic keys out of her diaper bag and handed them to Hannah. “We’re going to have dinner with Barry’s mom and brother.”

  Cathy shrugged. “I think we’re going to stay home. It’s getting kind of complicated. Mark can’t decide whether to have it with us or with his dad, though Rick and Annie both want to stay home. And Steve’s parents want us to come see them, but my kids don’t really want to do that…”

  “Nothing’s easy with you guys, is it?” Tory asked.

  “Nope. Never is.”

  Cathy looked at Brenda. “What about you, Brenda?”

  Brenda smiled. “We’re having our traditional pilgrim dinner. The girls dress like pilgrims, and the boys are Indians, like the first Thanksgiving.”

  Sylvia laughed. “You never stop teaching, do you, Brenda?”

  “Oh, it’s fun. Sylvia, why don’t you and Harry join us?”

  Sylvia shook her head. “Can’t.”

  “Why not? Are you going to Sarah’s or Jeff’s?”

  Sylvia’s smile was weak. “They’re coming here, just for the day.”

  Cathy’s heart swelled, and she took Sylvia’s frail hand. “If you need help with the meal, let us know,” she whispered.

  “It’s all under control,” Sylvia said. “It’s going to be a good day.”

  CHAPTER

  Forty-One

  As Cathy walked home from Sylvia’s, she thought about what her friends had said about dying to herself and submitting to her husband. She was tired of the tension between Steve and her. Someone was going to have to break it, and she knew it had to be her.

  When she got inside, Steve sat in the living room watching a ball game on television while he folded a load of towels. Steve rarely just sat back and relaxed. If he allowed himself the time to watch television, he always tried to accomplish something else while he did. Cathy was thankful for the help he gave her in running the household.

  Tracy sat at the kitchen table behind him, trying to polish her nails. So far, she’d gotten more polish on her cuticles and fingers than she had on the nails themselves. Cathy touched Tracy’s hair. “How’s it going there?”

  “Not too good,” Tracy said. “I think I’ll have to take it all off and start over.”

  “Why don’t you let me do it for you?”

  “Would you?” Tracy looked up hopefully at her.

  Before Cathy pulled out the chair to sit down, she looked at her husband. They had talked some since their fight about the car, but she could still see the tension in his back and neck as he kept his eyes on the game.

  She went over to him and pressed a kiss on the back of his neck. He glanced back at her and forced a smile. “Sylvia okay?”

  “Yeah, all things considered.”

  “Good.” He folded another towel, set it on the stack.

  Cathy sat down and helped Tracy take the polish off, then slowly, painstakingly, began her manicure.

  “You do a good job,” Tracy said quietly as she watched each stroke down her nail. “I don’t know why I can’t do it.”

  “It’s hard to do it to yourself,” Cathy said. “Sometimes a girl just needs someone to help her.”

  “But my friends all do it themselves, and they don’t look like freaks when they’re finished.”

  “Just takes a little practice.”

  They both got quiet as Cathy finished up, blowing on them to dry them. “Now,” she said, “how’s that?”

  Tracy looked proudly at her nails. “Much better.”

  Cathy propped her chin on her hand. “Time to get ready for bed.”

  Tracy moaned. “But can’t I watch TV awhile? I’m not tired.”

  “Tracy, it’s late.”

  “But I’m twelve. I should be able to stay up.”

  Cathy sighed. She needed to talk to Steve and couldn’t do it with Tracy sitting here.

  “Besides,” Tracy added, �
��it’s Friday. I don’t have school tomorrow.”

  “But you said you were coming to work with me in the morning. You need to earn some money, remember? I don’t want to have to scrape you off of the bed. So go on, kiddo. Hit the sack.”

  “Okay. In a minute.” Tracy went around the couch and plopped down.

  Cathy looked at Steve. He still watched the game and folded the towels, as if he hadn’t heard the exchange at all. If he had, he certainly wasn’t going to rebuke his daughter.

  So she tried a different tact. “Steve, can I talk to you alone?”

  “Sure.” He finished the towel he was working on, and handed Tracy the remote control. Taking the stack of towels, he headed for the bedroom. Cathy followed him.

  “What is it?” He put the towels away, then sat down on the bed and started to take his shoes off.

  Cathy stood, watching him. He didn’t meet her eyes—she tried to remember if he had even once since their fight. “Steve, I was talking to Sylvia and the girls tonight about the car and everything…and I just realized that I’ve made a lot of marital mistakes lately. I should have waited and given you time about the car. I should have tried to compromise and maybe come to some kind of agreement with you. And I shouldn’t have expected you to get over it with my belated apology.”

  He put his shoes in the closet, then leaned against the door. “I accept your apology. Again.”

  Could it be that easy, she wondered, or were his words only one of those lip-service things that wouldn’t pan out in his behavior?

  But then he crossed the room and pulled her into a hug. “I miss you when I’m mad at you,” he said.

  All her tension and anger melted away. She laid her head against his chest. “I miss you, too. That bed is so big when we’re mad. You’re a good-feeling husband.”

  He smiled. “You’re a good-feeling wife.” He kissed her, then looked into her eyes. Really looked. That distant gaze was gone. “I hope you know I wasn’t trying to make Mark’s life hard for him.”

  The truth was, she didn’t know that. She released him and stepped back. “I think sometimes you do want things to be hard for him so he’ll be tougher or have more character. I’m just not sure you’re right.”